One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
