he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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