conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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