Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
