it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
