How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
