Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
