so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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