you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
