I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
