Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
