I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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