Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
