i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
