I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
