The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
