Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
