I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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