I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
