when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
