I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize