Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
