in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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