...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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