this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
