I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
