marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
