You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
