I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just found puke in my bra..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
