dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
