Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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