i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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