I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
