My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
