Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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