She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
