dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
