So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
