Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
please don't ironically join a cult
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