oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
