god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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