Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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