STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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