haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm both gender and math confused
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
