pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
