Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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