i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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