Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
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