I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
false alarm. still invincible.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
