No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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