No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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