yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
