Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
that may or may not have been my penis.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
