Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
