I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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