We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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