I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
