I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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