If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
