I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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