Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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