I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
