Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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