the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
