you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
