So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
