My liver just broke up with me...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
