just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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