Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
