I will die if light touches me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
