Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
