Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
