She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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