my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
