I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You were trust falling into bushes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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