Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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