oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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