she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
