My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
