Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
