How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
