but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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