I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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