Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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