am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
