Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
