I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
