highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
