Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
