Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
