I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
