The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
