This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
