The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
