Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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