Soap is not a condiment
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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