SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
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