I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
