what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
