Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
