Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
