I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
